Trying

I'm exhausted by action and inaction pretty equally
I'm not doing enough
I'm thinking too much
I want to be held and fussed over
Caressed and reassured
And I want to be tough
I want uncertain love that burns itself to embers
Love with purpose. A love to remember when the time allows
And a love that transports in the remembrance
A love that both rescues and drowns
But mostly,
I want to be somewhere else right now.

I want to fly but I seem to have forgotten how
My motives are pure, I swear
But I'm mired in the filth of my circumstance
I'm not as strong as I let the world believe
I'm a broken thing held together by cosmic glue
Sometimes dancing is a relief-
I sometimes forget I can dance
And isn't flight just dance elevated?

I want a sense of purpose
But I'm not sure where it's sold
I check the tag of this second-hand dress
Just in case I'm wearing it now unknowingly
But no.
I think I see it hanging in the warm glow of a window
And I go in to investigate
But they don't have my size
My chest fits alright
But it's a little bit tight across the thighs

...Maybe next time.