Things Turning Around

The weekend is never so restful as when it follows a hectic week. I woke at 9 this morning, stayed in bed until a quarter after the hour, had a leisurely cup of coffee, worked out hard for the first time in more than week, relaxed with a cold beverage afterward. Part of me feels lonesome, but there's another part of me that is thankful for the solitude of the day because it's allowed me to get caught up on things that were put on the back burner.

I hope to have a bit more energy after work in the coming week. And I'm hoping to find a bit more to do. Things are agonizingly slow at the moment. That kind of environment exhausts me quicker than anything else it seems.

I feel more competent than I did coming into the position, and the support I've received has been amazing. Maybe things are finally starting to turn around. One can always hope.

An Exhausting First Week

Work has begun. It's only been three days, but I'm exhausted, my sights already set on the weekend. I'm hoping to have a functional e-mail by tomorrow. My job will entail a lot, and while it thrills me, thoughts of what I have to do also exhaust me. I'm trying to find my "manager persona." I'm fortunate in that I have a marvelous assistant whose knowledge knows no bounds. I'm not sure where I'd be without her.

I can do this. I know I can. But it's still intimidating, if you know what I mean.

My personal life feels like it's in shambles. I don't have the energy to even think about it very much. I also lack the energy to care too much though, so I suppose I'm not really miserable so much as resigned. The guy I liked...the guy I like...I can't really lie to myself at this point...he's a bit of a narcissist. I'm beginning to doubt that he cares anything for me. I think I am a way to kill time. It's the impression I'm getting at any rate. Maybe it's better to acknowledge this sooner rather than later. I guess I'm a little fortunate to be too tired to feel the full blow of the realization.

But tomorrow is another long day...I can already feel it. I better get some reading it while I can.

Under the Weather

I've somehow managed to get what is probably the worst case of Strep Throat I've ever had. Of course it happens the week before I'm set to begin a new job. At any rate, I'm now on a course of antibiotics and hoping things improve for me sooner rather than later. I feel like a slob since I haven't been exercising, but plan to get back into a routine once the worst of the sickness passes. At least the body aches have gone.

When I haven't been sleeping, I've been trying to do a bit of writing or making a dent in the growing pile of reading material. 

I hope to have something more substantial to add soon. For now, this will have to do. Unoriginal though it is, this is a list of advice I'd give myself if I could go back in time, and it's the advice I'd hand out to those who find themselves on a cusp, on the edge of something that feels wonderful or dangerous or uncertain. 

Be kind to yourself when the world is cruel and push yourself when you've got a bit more ground to cover before the sun sets. Tell your story to someone and listen to someone else's without judgment. Know that if you close your heart to pain, you also close it to joy. Fall in love, but be picky about whom you fall in love with. Do something every day that feels uncomfortable. Congratulate yourself once you've done it. Grow your own food when you can. If you can't, at least prepare your meals yourselves. Learn a new recipe, but then add or substitute something to see what happens. Do something kind for someone you don't know. Let someone do something kind for you. Forgives others' lapses in judgment. Smile, even when you have no reason to. Forgive others. More importantly, forgive yourself. Know your limits. Don't tolerate cruelty. When someone tells you what they think of you, believe them. Actions speak louder than words-always. Don't let fear turn you off the path of discovery. When misery takes up residence in your mind, tell yourself that its stay is limited. It will check out and be on its way unless you invite it to stay. When someone tries to make you fit into a mold you simply don't fit, tell them so. And find better company. Save a little bit back every paycheck. You never know when it will come in handy. Get an education. Learn at every turn. Know the difference between information and knowledge. Believe in something greater than yourself and don't let anyone else tell you what it is. Make art. Don't let anyone tell you it's futile. Read the classics. Especially the Greeks. Those guys knew how to write a drama. Exercise, but do something you enjoy. Eat healthy, but don't cut out entire food groups, and don't turn down an ice cream date when it's offered. Don't trust anyone whose sole purpose in life is to become rich. Know that money will never truly buy happiness. Don't select a career solely based on your earning capacity. Deep connections are rare. Hold onto the books, movies, and people that touch you. Don't be afraid to be yourself. Live somewhere other than where you were born for awhile. Help the needy. Both will expand your perspective in different ways. Get out into nature at regular intervals. Turn off your phone on occasion. Build something yourself. Consider other alternatives before you make up your mind. Listen to your heart. Always. Even when it leads you astray.