What I Am Not

Sometimes, on the quest to discovering who we are, we must first come to understand what we are not. The process is often painful. It has been for me at any rate. I can safely say that I am not a convincing salesperson. I'm not a "Yes" woman either. I'm not passive or content with receiving handouts. I'm not the kind of person who gives up. I'm not always capable of a balanced perspective in the heat of the moment. I'm not a very good athlete. I'm not a vegetarian. Nor a lover of the work of Jane Austen. I'm not one of those people who draws attention to herself just by entering a room. I'm not one of those people who can accept that 'cultural differences" are justifiable means for failing to connect with other human beings.

What I'm not says a great deal about what I am. And that is a work in progress.

Tonight brings a round of trivia with good friends. The weekend brings a date at a bookstore and a storytelling conference, and a return to the Unitarian Universalist church I scoped out last Sunday.

I suppose even mentioning the good things ahead gives some indication that I am also hopeful, no longer determined by past events, which, instrumental as they were in the shaping of my sense of self, are not synonymous with my sense of self.

If you're reading this, you're the progeny of survivors of cataclysms. You've endured your own unique set of hardships and you're stronger for it, whether it feels that way or not. If it does feel that way, you're not really in it anymore. It won't feel that way forever. Hang onto the strength. Memorialize it in whatever way makes the most sense to you. And if it doesn't feel like you can even stand, do it anyway. And then declare boldly that you've done what you felt you couldn't, no matter how small the feat. You can do anything in the end, so long as you're on your side.

Announcements

It's Sunday evening and I'm happy to announce that, after countless applications, interviews, and moments of self-doubt, I've secured a job! I'll be working as a librarian with UMKC's Health Sciences library at the School of Medicine. It's a wonderful opportunity to prove myself professionally, and to develop a skillset that can only benefit me in the future.

My writing comes in bursts at best, but I'm hoping that getting my own place will afford me more quiet moments in which to reflect and create. The current project is a trilogy called The Clockmakers. Book One will be called The God Machine and I'm hoping to have it completed by the end of the year.

I'm attending services at the local Unitarian Universalist church and the experience is inspiring me in unexpected ways. There are exciting times ahead. I can feel it. And that's usually a good thing...